Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
