You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
