I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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