One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize