dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize