Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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