Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
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I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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