Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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