she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
