Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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