she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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