oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
