I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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