if only i could text you this smell
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
