we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize