My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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