hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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