Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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