I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
