Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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