so that wasnt chicken after all
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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