there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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