Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
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FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
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Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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