Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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