I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
