i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?