she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.