I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
two words: eviction party
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.