i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me