oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
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Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??