oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
