You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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