you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dicks are not precious.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
