Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
