i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I AM VODKA MAN
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
