grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't put those talents on a resume
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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