I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
