I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
