A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
