Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
