I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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