I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
