It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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