I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
