I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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