UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
