Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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