Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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