The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
