so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
