very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
