How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
did you just send me my own nude
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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