i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
