Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my shit smells like andre
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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