Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
