Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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