tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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