She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
