im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
