maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
