I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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