My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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