I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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