I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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