I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
