i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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