I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize