I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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