I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
