do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
