those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have fence marks all over my body
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
