I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
