so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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