Me too!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
